Attack Of The Clowns
	found on: ABC News written by MAYORBOB, edited by Tim (Plastic) [ read unedited ] posted Fri 24 May 12:25pm
		"Fear of clowns is a common enough condition that it has its own medical term - coulrophobia," writes MAYORBOB. "I remember as a kid, going to the circus and seeing Emmit Kelly try to sweep up the spotlight or laugh as a group of madeup madcaps tried to squeeze into a VW Beetle. But for other people, clowns are no laughing matter. This story discusses a few clowns, talking about the good, the bad, and the ugly. It mentions the case of John Wayne Gacy who managed to give clowns for hire a bad name until the state of Illinois sent him to the afterlife. Also discussed is the rap group Insane Clown Posse, reviled by 'mainstream' clowning groups for their violent lyrics. Ronald McDonald is set against 'Ouchy, the S&M Clown', who probably shouldn't be invited to perform at kiddie birthday parties. Are you comfortable with Clarabelle or scared witless by Pennywise?"

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1.  It...   by delavagus       at Fri 24 May 12:28pm score of 4 clever     As long as the clown can't turn into a twenty foot spider--or sneak up through my plumbing, for that matter--then I'm okay with him.   [ ...reply just to this | comment on the story... | next new ]

43.  Re: It...   by destiny       at Sat 25 May 10:34am score of 2 funny   in reply to comment 1     "To me, clowns aren't funny. In fact, they're kind of scary. I've wondered where this started and I think it goes back to the time I went to the circus, and a clown killed my dad." -- Jack Handy ---   Destiny-land. The happiest blog on earth.   [ ...reply just to this | comment on the story... | next new ]   44.  Re: It...   by destiny       at Sat 25 May 10:59am score of 3 astute   in reply to comment 43     Clowns are a relic from the 19th century -- an awkward anachronism that children endure because parents think they should. Deconstruction of the whole "clown" archetype has been going on for years . Bobcat Goldthwaite's Shakes the Clown was "the Citizen Kane of alcoholic clown movies," the Boston Globe wrote. The Simpsons shows Krusty the Klown's miserable life -- chain-smoking, gambling debts, back taxes and an unhappy family life. David Letterman used to trot out Flunky the Clown a dour, low-key. My favorite was when he answered a viewer's letter asking how to stop a clown from laughing. "You might show him actuarial tables with life expectancies for people who inhale greasepaint fumes for a living. And then there was that classic Seinfeld episode with Eric the Clown at a children's party. "What kind of name is 'Eric' for a clown?" George nit-picks. "Why don't you have a clown name, like bozo?" "Who's Bozo," the clown replies, eventually leading to an argument where the clown tells George to calm down. "You're hung up on some clown from the sixties." And, finally clown porn. I think it was an urban legend, until some people decided to create it simply because it didn't already exist. Besides Knocker's the Clown, there's Knotty Clown, and various other random sites. Stranger things have happened, but I think there's one ultimate conclusion. People don't like clowns. ---   Destiny-land. The happiest blog on earth.   [ ...reply just to this | comment on the story... | next new ]

2.  What did it for me . . .   by alaffin       at Fri 24 May 12:30pm score of 4 brilliant     Remember the scene in Poltergeist? The one where that creepy ass clown doll tries to kill the kid? First off, anyone who would give a child a toy that horrifyingly evil looking is a monster. Second, I'm not entirely convinced that it was being controlled by the evil spirits. I think it just saw an opportunity to grab a kid and eat him and pounced. Clowns are evil. Period. satire   [ ...reply just to this | comment on the story... | next new ]

38.  Re: What did it for me . . .   by 4d3r37h       at Fri 24 May 10:40pm score of 1   in reply to comment 2     I had that clown (the one from Poltergeist). It was the scariest motherfucker I've ever seen. It was on my bed for about 6 years and I never gathered the balls to touch it and move it. I can't blame my parents... I don't think they realized the problem. I still fear that clown.   [ ...reply just to this | comment on the story... | next new ]

3.  Clownies!   by DoctorShumway       at Fri 24 May 12:45pm score of 3 funny     Aside from the crayons bearing that name, clowns are just kind of creepy. I really can't explain it. It's like they are some sort of demons. They are always doing weird and strange things like spraying you with flowers or throwing pies. When you look at it that way, they basically can ruin the building blocks of life for you. They make you scared of food and then water. Then they take away life giving oxygen by making balloon animals. They pretty much just taint everything they touch with a stink of fear. Also, they can possess you to do stupid things in exchange for fame. Like trying to throw golf balls into cups that get further and further away for fabulous prizes! Clowns can also possess you from afar, for example they are making me want to try and use a Simpson's quote before anyone else does; "Can't sleep, clown will eat me." Scary! Our work fills the pews.   [ ...reply just to this | comment on the story... | next new ]

12.  Can't figure it out? ...really?   by n29_w95       at Fri 24 May 1:38pm score of 2 clever   in reply to comment 3     Yeah. Clowns are creepy. I was terrified of 'em as a kid (long before tv-movies explained how they could turn into giant spiders and crawl up your drainpipe to gut you in your sleep.) It's how they operate: Adults (parents) are "in on the set-up", so they think it'll be a happy afternoon of balloon animals and flowers pulled from tattered coatsleeves. How very naive... In fact, from the point of view of a five-year old, they're just strange grown men who are acting aggressively. They conceal their identities behind funny-smelling greasepaint, make loud honking noises and get much-too-much into one's face. What's more, your parents have just turned you over to the care of someone who, to your young mind, obviously can't be trusted. It's a betrayal by your parents, and plays into our primal abandonment fears.   (Although, in defense of clowns: If you're savvy enough a kid to see that they're basically harmless, sometimes they'll share their gin with you.) ---Pie is good!   [ ...reply just to this | comment on the story... | next new ]

4.  They can't help it   by logbass       at Fri 24 May 12:45pm score of 2 funny     Clowns aren't evil. Evil is just a construct of our repressed Puritan minds. Everyone knows that clowns are just coping with serious substance abuse problems. Right shakes Who's got the kibble? - Bad Lieutenant: POCNO   [ ...reply just to this | comment on the story... | next new ]

5.  That movie disturbed me.   by 2trew       at Fri 24 May 12:54pm score of 1   in reply to comment 4     I think it was mostly how easy it would be to believe that there could be a whole clown subculture complete with rodeo clown bars and mime bashing. Well, okay, there is mime bashing, and rightly so, Lord Ventinari has the right idea there, but I mean by clowns. For reasons other than the obvious. Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy. Benjamin Franklin   [ ...reply just to this | comment on the story... | next new ]   6.  Re: They can't help it   by elforman       at Fri 24 May 12:58pm score of 2 clever   in reply to comment 4     Any reference to "The Citizen Kane of Alcoholic Clown Movies" is always welcome. Thank you, Logbass.   [ ...reply just to this | comment on the story... | next new ]   18.  Re: They can't help it   by carl       at Fri 24 May 1:49pm score of 2 informative   in reply to comment 4     "Duck crossing!" Dave Louapre and Dan Sweetman's A Cotton Candy Autopsy - which ran across several books in their 'Beautiful Stories For Ugly Children' - should also be part of any clown canon. As haunting as those Red Skelton clown paintings that hung on my bedroom wall until I was old enough to take them down, certainly. Your pal, Carl   [ ...reply just to this | comment on the story... | next new ]

7.  What about   by Nephthys       at Fri 24 May 12:59pm score of 3 brilliant     our own mad_clown? Cake or Death? Cake, please.   [ ...reply just to this | comment on the story... | next new ]

9.  Re: What about   by Anonymous Idiot       at Fri 24 May 1:03pm score of 1 funny   in reply to comment 7     apparently mad_clown has mod points . . .   [ ...reply just to this | comment on the story... | next new ]   20.  Re: What about   by mad_clown       at Fri 24 May 2:19pm score of 1 obnoxious   in reply to comment 9     Actually, I don't :/ Society had become divided into two ideologically hostile camps, and each viewed the other with suspicion. -Thucydides   [ ...reply just to this | comment on the story... | next new ]   51.  Re: What about   by bigeyes       at Sun 26 May 1:40pm score of 1   in reply to comment 20     I, for one, am a huge fan of the mad one, but I must add this: In my family, when we remember not to call people asshole, dickhead, or fuckwad, we tend to call random idiots clowns. so I was in the fast lane, and this CLOWN pulls out doing 20mph... and the like. A few years ago I noticed I seem to know a lot of people who hate/fear clowns. It sticks in my mind, because since I use the moniker clown so frequently, people often comment I HATE clowns! and look around to see if there really is a clown in the vicinity. 8) Oh, yeah, one more thing.....I used to date a Rodeo clown, and omigod, was he ever sexy underneath that greasepaint! mmmmmm! Gotta go...time for my shower!       8)   [ ...reply just to this | comment on the story... | next new ]   24.  Re: What about   by Anonymous Idiot       at Fri 24 May 3:08pm score of 2 brilliant   in reply to comment 7     Dude, he's not a clown, he's a historian!   [ ...reply just to this | comment on the story... | next new ]

8.  fakes   by Anonymous Idiot       at Fri 24 May 12:59pm score of 2 astute     Anyone who has to literally paint a smile on their face cant be trusted.   [ ...reply just to this | comment on the story... | next new ]

11.  Clowns are funny...   by nmiguy       at Fri 24 May 1:36pm score of 1 funny     Emcee: And now, to help introduce our       fantastic new burger -- the one       with ketchup -- here he is, coming in by       parachute: Krusty the Klown!       [sound of Homer yelling, getting rapidly       louder]       [he smashes through the hamburger display;       his parachute floats gently after him]       Homer: [dazed] [laughs like Krusty] Children: Yay!       Homer: [reading monotonically] "To audience: I       now proclaim this new burger...for sale!" Children: Yay!       Homer: [sees emcee motioning, laughs like       Krusty]       [Homer does some inept cartwheels]       Oh...save me. Children: Yay!       [a midget in a prison outfit and mask       walks out]       Child: It's the Krusty Burglar!       Homer: Ohmigod! He's stealing all the burglars! Why you little --       [jumps Krusty Burglar, starts pummeling       him]       Emcee: Oh, Homer, it -- it's all -- it -- it's       all j -- jus -- just an act!       Child: [crying] Stop! Stop, he's already dead.       [two men drag Homer off]       Emcee: Er, Krusty the Klown, everybody!       [a few children clap; the rest are too       horrified] Burglar: Please look at my Medic Alert       bracelet...   [ ...reply just to this | comment on the story... | next new ]

13.  I'm a laughing on the inside kind of clown   by gordon shumway       at Fri 24 May 1:41pm score of 2 informative     For a fun movie about clowns, watch "Vulgar", although my all time favorite clown movies are "Shakes" and of course, the Jerry Lewis masterpiece, "The Day the Clown Cried". More clown fun here!   [ ...reply just to this | comment on the story... | next new ]

31.  Re: I'm a laughing on the inside kind of clown   by Utini       at Fri 24 May 6:16pm score of 2 astute   in reply to comment 13     Isn't it illegal to speak of that Jerry Lewis movie anymore? They stopped selling copies of it.Even people who get a hold of the script and hold readings of it (to expose the latent comic genius of a clown in a Nazi concentration camp)are sued because it is so horribly bad that Jerry Lewis wants it erased from the face of the Earth. Did he have a change of heart somewhere? Plastics' answer to a question no one asked.   [ ...reply just to this | comment on the story... | next new ]

15.  Just do the math, people   by mccorndog       at Fri 24 May 1:46pm score of 3 funny     To be sure, that for every bad clown, there are hundreds of good clowns. But they said there are over 30,000 clowns in the US ALONE!! Even if there is only 1 evil clown for every 300 good clowns, that still means that there are 100 evil clowns running around the US right now! And I understand that the good clown to bad clown ratio is something like 1:1 in countries like Iran, Iraq and Sudan........   [ ...reply just to this | comment on the story... | next new ]

35.  Re: Just do the math, people   by Eric Blair       at Fri 24 May 9:22pm score of 1   in reply to comment 15     Hey, just one Pennywise clown or John Wayne Gacy clown can do a lot of damage...   [ ...reply just to this | comment on the story... | next new ]

16.  Can't Sleep, Clown'll Eat Me   by Whelp       at Fri 24 May 1:47pm score of 1     I have a long standing hatred for clowns, but even I wasn't able to turn my nose up at this cinema gem. "Hey! What are you clowns going to do with those pies?" CLASSIC! Do you want the mustache on, or off? Too bad!   [ ...reply just to this | comment on the story... | next new ]

39.  Re: Can't Sleep, Clown'll Eat Me   by gr3g       at Fri 24 May 10:40pm score of 1   in reply to comment 16     That movie was bad, but it was like a train wreck. I couldn't stop watching it. Remember the cotton candy guns, or the ventriloquist cop? Oh lord I wish I didn't. "It has always been this way and it won't change, god bless the fucked up USA" The Briefs   [ ...reply just to this | comment on the story... | next new ]

19.  This the harmonic convergence of Clowns!   by MAYORBOB       at Fri 24 May 2:00pm score of 1     You just know that no good is going to come from the combination of clowns, bowling, and beer. Tending to final details.   [ ...reply just to this | comment on the story... | next new ]

22.  A little note for my friendly detractors...   by Erik Riker-Coleman       at Fri 24 May 2:37pm score of 1     ... my great-grandfather was a circus clown back in the day--now it all makes sense, doesn't it? stand up, keep fighting.   [ ...reply just to this | comment on the story... | next new ]

23.  Am I alone here?   by k       at Fri 24 May 2:59pm score of 2 brilliant     I was never particularly afraid of clowns. I just always thought they were, you know, assholes.   [ ...reply just to this | comment on the story... | next new ]

25.  Re: Am I alone here?   by NomiMalone       at Fri 24 May 3:10pm score of 2 funny   in reply to comment 23     Amen. When I was a kid, I thought clowns were just moronic. I couldn't figure out why anyone would waste their time acting like a fool in front of a bunch of sticky, howling children when they could be drinking, smoking, and other such grown up pursuits (and since my parents don't smoke and rarely drink, don't ask me where I got that skewed idea of adulthood...) Then, I got older and realized that it's precisely so that they can drink and smoke that clowns make their birthday party/mall opening/fairground appearances; fortified wine may be cheap, but it ain't free... I'm loud, and I'm vulgar, and I wear the pants in the house because someone's got to, but I am not a monster. I'm not!   [ ...reply just to this | comment on the story... | next new ]   26.  The only time I laughed...   by k       at Fri 24 May 3:26pm score of 2 funny   in reply to comment 25     at a clown was the one time I was dragged to the circus (about 8 years old, not my idea, guest of someone else, you know the drill). All the performers and animals were parading around the tent, and this one clown was walking backwards, waving to the crowd. He stepped in this massive elephant turd about the size of a bowling ball, and I nearly wet my pants. It was the only redeeming -- or memorable -- part of the entire day.   [ ...reply just to this | comment on the story... | next new ]   27.  Re: Am I alone here?   by shadarr       at Fri 24 May 3:32pm score of 1   in reply to comment 23     I never got clowns. Even when I was a kid, I can remember sitting at the circus thinking "what's the point?" and then "where are the elephants?" As for being afraid of them, I don't get that either. But then, I've never been one for irrational fears. A clown with a knife, that I would fear. A guy wearing mismatched clothes and acting strangely in the park is a mere balloon animal or endless handkerchief away from a bum.   [ ...reply just to this | comment on the story... | next new ]

28.  Not fair   by FairyBoy       at Fri 24 May 4:13pm score of 2 astute     There were a couple "bad clowns" that I really don't think deserve to be in that catigory. I can obviously understand why they included Koko the Killer Clown (shot his wife's lover), or Larry Harmon for taking credit for Bozo the Clown when he was actually created by Pinto Colvig and Alan Livingston, and Coco the Cop who exploited the clown image to trap prostitutes. But others are really in a different catigory, while they may not be suitable for a 5 year old's birthday party they're also not deceptive or malicious. While Flasher the Clown's mock-exposing might have been in bad taste, it doesn't nearly qualify him for being placed in the same catigory as the other three. And as for Insane Clown Posse and Ouchy the S&M Clown... come on, these aren't even in the same catigory of performers as the "Good Clowns." They're in absolutely no way meant to be children's entertainers! They're playing off the scary clown image for irony, they're not the same type of performer. Whatever one may think of their music, Insane Clown Posse does not and has not presented itself as being "real" clowns, of the Clowns Without Boarders and Patch Adams variety. They're adult entertainment, of course they're not cute and fuzzy. And as for Ouchy... come on, that's erotic role playing, and while it's not a kink I understand, it's also not like he's marketing himself as an entertainer for birthday parties. "I am an Entity, because it would take more than 5 words to describe exactly my Gender." -T'Pat   [ ...reply just to this | comment on the story... | next new ]

29.  I've been more or less indifferent to clowns...   by Brian Jones       at Fri 24 May 4:26pm score of 2 brilliant     ...except for that neat sweeping-up-the-spotlight trick they do. I'd like to control all my appliances with a broom. Cheap crass attention-whoring plug goes here.   [ ...reply just to this | comment on the story... | next new ]

30.  Evil Veneer   by ms_sue_collins       at Fri 24 May 6:03pm score of 1     If you see a clown at the park or on a street corner folding balloons by himself, don't trust him," Keys-O'Dell says. "He's a stranger." I wouldn't trust anyone standing on a street corner folding anything, but if there's a whole group of them, I would trust them even less. What an odd piece of advice, even from somebody whose title is executive director of the International Clown Hall of Fame. I think clowns make us uncomfortable because you can't get past the painted expressions to see what's there, so the imagination takes over. Isn't it the same with ventriloquists' dummies? It's a dog's life   [ ...reply just to this | comment on the story... | next new ]

32.  It all started with a Christmas gift   by denovich       at Fri 24 May 8:53pm score of 1     My great aunt gave me a porcelain clown, complete with fake hair, and his egg like body was festooned with plastic stars. Creepy as hell, and such a crappy Christmas present for a 5 year old boy. I hated it, and my hate for clowns has grown ever since. Except for ninja juggalos like Shaggy & Violent J   [ ...reply just to this | comment on the story... | next new ]

33.  I don't mind the goofy ones...   by BUWolverine       at Fri 24 May 9:09pm score of 2 astute     I really don't mind circus clowns (or rodeo for that matter) I know that sounds odd. If its being a clown just for the humor I can deal with it, and I tend to think that these are the guys who aren't so screwy either. Its the "Clowns for a cause" set that bug me, like Clowns for Christ (I made that one up, but I'll bet $20 its a real group) or the geniuses who think dressing up in bright make-up and scarring sick kids at the hospital shitless is some how making a difference.(Note: Guys, if they're screaming they heads off and/or balling their eyes out, they aren't enjoying it.) If you have to dress up like Bozo to promote your cause isn't it time to stop and ask yourself whether your the right person for the job?   [ ...reply just to this | comment on the story... | next new ]

34.  Clowns for Christ, you say?   by MAYORBOB       at Fri 24 May 9:21pm score of 2 informative   in reply to comment 33     Try this one, or this one, or even this one offered by the inimitable Bubba Sikes. Why am I all of a sudden very, very sad? Tending to final details.   [ ...reply just to this | comment on the story... | next new ]   40.  Re: Clowns for Christ, you say?   by verb       at Sat 25 May 12:41am score of 1   in reply to comment 34     It's okay that the headline "WHAT A NICE LOOKING PACKAGE" - BIRTHDAY PARTY CLOWNING on that page really, really disturbed me... right? Right? --the verb "During a nuclear incident, it is important to avoid radioactive material, if possible." -- Dept. of Homeland Security   [ ...reply just to this | comment on the story... | next new ]

37.  Thank God it's actually about clowns...   by subsailor       at Fri 24 May 10:24pm score of 1     I thought it was another over-discussed Star Wars topic. "Peace through superior firepower."   [ ...reply just to this | comment on the story... | next new ]

41.  This story cried out to me.   by bitter_engineer       at Sat 25 May 1:01am score of 2 brilliant     It cried "Please, please, post a link to the Suicide Clowns story! Please!" So I did. Don't read it if you really are afraid of clowns, or have any sense of taste. Non estat prandium gratuitum   [ ...reply just to this | comment on the story... | next new ]

42.  I blame Richard Thomas!   by PhooeyPapa       at Sat 25 May 9:50am score of 1     My son who is at the prime age of 10 will avoid clowns at all cost. We attend the circus every year and he will go to great lengths to avoid any contact with a clown, I have asked many times why this is and he has never really offered a real good reason why. Then I remembered me and him watching the movie "IT" adapted from the stephen king novel, I then placed the blame on tim curry role of the clown and then it came to me it was richard thomas having the lead in the movie that must have created all of this. "Goodnight Mrs. Calabash Wherever you are."   [ ...reply just to this | comment on the story... | next new ]

45.  Like The Other Post Said...   by MrTripps       at Sat 25 May 11:30am score of 1     ...it was the Poltergiest clown that gave me my coulrophobia. I do think rodeo clowns kick ass. How much balls does it take to face down a pissed off one ton steak while wearing a funny rubber nose? "It feels like Independence Day and I can't break away from this parade." -The Wallflowers   [ ...reply just to this | comment on the story... | next new ]

46.  Ooooh! I hate clowns!   by blueflower       at Sat 25 May 12:07pm score of 2 informative     When I was a kid, maybe 7 or so, I went to Ringling Brothers circus, and this clown with red, blue and purple hair literally jumped from out of nowhere into my face, shrieking and laughing and carrying on while blowing this huge horn. Scared me out of my wits. Had the f*&%$er moved on after seeing me cry, that would have been one thing. But he remained to weave and bob in my face for a good 45 seconds longer, blowing that damn horn and asking me why I was crying. How many times does a kid have to scream at you to "GO AWAY!!!" before you get the hint? My teacher finally made him get lost. God bless you, Mrs. Kaml, but you were too late. I now loathe clowns with the fire of 10,000 supernovae.   [ ...reply just to this | comment on the story... | next new ]

47.  It takes one to know one...   by father_harry       at Sat 25 May 6:22pm score of 2 informative     As a graduate of Ringling Bros. Clown College, and a veteran of a season touring with a _real_ three-ring tented circus (and now pursuing a PhD. in Computer Science...go figure) - I can assure you that having been a clown, and having seen them up close and interacted with them, I am as scared of clowns as anybody. Not so much circus clowns (although they do have their own problems, I'll admit), so much as birthday party clowns (called Yamma-Yammas in the trade). Those who teach themselves how to apply makeup in an afternoon using a cereal box for inspiration, teach themselves a few balloon animals, place a yellow pages ad and then unleash their rainbow-wigged selves on the world ... those are the scary ones. I've never seen a sadder bunch of folks in my life. Quite honestly, I'd rather trust my kids to a Catholic priest for the afternoon.   [ ...reply just to this | comment on the story... | next new ]

48.  Some MST3K to go with our Simpsons quotes   by jenmac       at Sat 25 May 6:43pm score of 1     From "Here Comes the Circus" short, during which three clowns sit on rafters and swat each other's butts with brooms... Crow: Oh, no, they're doing it clown-style! Servo: I've been a baaaaaad clown! Joel: Please say this isn't happening. Crow: Yes, children's windows of perception are opened only for a moment, only to take in the horror that is The Circus. The Too Much Joy song about clowns is pretty neat, too. jenmac Is it sticky? Would it kill you? -- snut_rucket's son at the La Brea tar pits   [ ...reply just to this | comment on the story... | next new ]

49.  Mike Nelson on Clowns   by perrin       at Sun 26 May 8:03am score of 1     From Mike Nelson's Movie Megacheese, page 258:   As my four-year-old son put it after having clowns explained to him, "So clowns are supposed to be funny, but then they accidentally make you sad and afraid?" "How very strange that would feel, to be so well understood."   [ ...reply just to this | comment on the story... | next new ]

52.  More than you want to know   by stevetherobot       at Fri 31 May 5:52am score of 1     Check out this link for some information about the history of clowns.   [ ...reply just to this | comment on the story... | next new ]